Friday, November 12, 2004

Five to one, baby. One in five.

According to the Washington Post, "High doses of Vitamin E... appear to actually increase the risk of dying."

Wow. This is serious.

According to the Judeo-Christian tradition, in the whole history of human population, only the prophet Elijah has escaped "the risk of dying." Or put mathematically, the probability of death is 1. And here's the Post, telling me that Vitamin E actually makes it more than absolutely certain that I'll die. So, if I take Vitamin E, am I going to die twice? Three times?

Oh... wait a second. What they actually mean is that it increases the risk of dying in the short term. That's different, then.

Never mind.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bonus points for the obscure Doors reference in your post title.


12:22 PM, November 12, 2004  
Blogger TeacherRefPoet said...


What if I claim I'm not in a coma? Do my chances decrease then???

11:46 PM, November 14, 2004  
Blogger Matt said...

Well, if we want to follow the Judeo-Christian line of analysis, arguably the Post headline could signify an increase in the likelihood of permanent death--that is, death without bodily resurrection at the time of the Rapture.

Presumably, vitamin E could act to degrade or inhibit the chemical markers God would use to identify the remains of the faithful. Or, since the mechanism for the resurrection of the cremated and other such disembodied dead Christians is obscure anyway, we might presume that vitamin E induces behavior or beliefs that, secondarily, render people incapable of receiving God's grace. Now I'm not too religious myself, and I'm all for the separation of church and state, but it seems to me that given that risk the FDA really ought to mandate a warning label that says "CAUTION: consuming this product may cause you to be 'cast alive into a lake of fire' (Rev. 19:20) there to dwell for all eternity."

7:21 PM, November 22, 2004  

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