Saturday, February 19, 2005

Baby , you're no good

Hey, tell us how you really feel.

I am in the book-buying business (albeit the nonfiction end), so I can say that a good review is really important. I rely on reviewers to tell me when a book is a new viewpoint in its the field, when it puts concepts into an accessible framework, when enough people will know about it that our undergrads and faculty will want it available.

And yet, I can’t quote a single good review. But the truly malicious bad review sticks with us. It’s the "Tonstant Weader fwowed up" and "can’t sing, can’t act, can dance a little" which earn a place in our hearts. (Or Art Campbell, stage and screen reviewer for NBC-4 DC, looking in the camera after the Sheena Easton – Raul Julia production of Man of La Mancha crying "A singer who can’t act! An actor who can’t sing! Easily the most painful theatrical experience of my career!")

And so I give you this review of "Afterburner." Sacha Zimmerman seems to think that this is a very, very, very bad book. The review includes lines like “her latest addition to the best-seller list, is simultaneously foul, saccharine, and cloying.” But here’s what catches my eye:

Even the sex isn't hot; it's vulgar (the words "marinated" and "juice" are used way too often).

Now maybe I cook too much, but “marinate” does not seem to me to be a sexy process. “Juice” might be up to an individual aesthetic sense, but “marinated”?

Ew.

So I suggest here, for the benefit of the Internet, the following list of erotic and nonerotic kitchen terms. For the purposes of really screwing up my search ranking, I encourage your input.
Erotic:
Saute
Saucier
Spatula
Reduction
Macerated
Muffin tin
Frenched

Ew:
Charbroil
Cast Iron Skillet
Blender
Au jus
Blackened
Loaf pan
Deboned

Oh God. My mom reads this website. Hi Mom. How’s Dad?

Anybody know a good therapist?

6 Comments:

Blogger lemming said...

Suggested reading: Reading the Romance. by Janice Radway. Her follow-up volume, A Feeling For Books, also more than well-worth a look by librarian types.

(lemming is deeply grateful to librarians in general and Joe in particular for their work on her behalf)

4:57 PM, February 20, 2005  
Anonymous Hugh said...

How about (on the Erotic Side):

Spoon
Drizzle
Melt
Put Aside for Later

9:20 AM, February 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! Leave my nickname out of the "Erotic Side" please?

Regards,
tommyspoon

9:26 AM, February 23, 2005  
Blogger Joe said...

I believe Hugh meant to say "Hunka Hunka Burning Spoon."

And then there's Semi-Erotic:

Rest.
Allow to cool to room temperature.

10:37 AM, February 23, 2005  
Blogger Hugh said...

And there are a lot of variations on this:

Insert the thermometer into the thickest part of the inner thigh meat, avoiding the thigh bone

10:37 AM, February 24, 2005  
Blogger Matt said...

EROTIC:
caramelize
tenderize
clarify the butter (aw yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about*)

NOT:
frost
powder
char

AMBIGUOUS:
flambé


*No, not really. I don't even know what this means. Hell, I don't even know what it means as a cooking term.

5:38 PM, March 03, 2005  

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