Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Here she comes

I just ran upstairs and dragged Herself to the TV so she didn't miss an annual highlight of TV watching.

The Mrs. America Pageant Costume Competition.

It's hard for me to embellish the strange blend of tackiness and state pride that shows up on this runway, so we'll just start with the fact that Mrs. Georgia came out carrying a big cracked egg, which split open to reveal her yellow feathered bikini. Georgia, apparently, is America's leader in poultry production.

And then:

Two blond women dressed as Indians. Did you know the Native Americans invented the Bedazzler?

A skier and a "blues musician" who just weren't trying very hard.

Mrs. Missouri, dressed as a straight flush, saluting the "gambling tradition of America's heartland." Shhhh, don't tell the Moral Majority.

A Norse goddess and a Greek goddess. Seriously, don't tell Falwell.

Two college football players, also not trying hard.

A butterfly, a bee, two birds, and two angels. Red Bull gives you wings.

Mrs. Iowa, dressed as corn. Again.

Mrs. Kansas, dressed as wheat. Again.

Dressed in all white: Mrs. Montana, as clouds. Mrs. Vermont, as snow. Mrs. Wyoming, as snow. Mrs. Wisconsin, as milk.

Mrs. Pennsylvania, supposedly dressed as a coal mine, but a big black cape makes you look like Vampirella.

Mrs. Virginia seems to think there's camoflage and sequins in the Army dress uniform. Apparently we're at war with the Village People.

Mrs. Maine, in a brown bathing suit with moose antlers on her head.


I swear, I am not making this up.

So, if any of my married readers want to pursue their dream, just remember: it's about the camp factor. Don't go trotting out something you'd wear to a Halloween party that you're not really psyched for. You can go the homemade craftsy way, if you want to make yourself a decorated poncho. At least we'll know your heart's in it. Feathers good. Capes good. But if you can come up with headgear somewhere between 1/4th and 1/3rd your own hight, well, you just might make it after all.


Blogger Alison said...

What was really weird was that Mrs. Wisconsin was dressed as milk, but she was also carrying milk.

Woah, man. That just blew my mind...

1:31 AM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger tommyspoon said...

Ohio has permanently damaged you, Joe. That much is certain...

6:46 AM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger Hugh said...

It might have been more post-modern if Mrs. Wisconsin had been carrying a cow.

9:15 AM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger Swankette said...

So you're saying the contest is just begging for a drag queen to enter?

12:03 PM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger GrigorPDX said...

Swankette, I'd pay good money to see a drag queen on the Miss America stage.

Paging Darcelle! Paging Darcelle!

1:16 PM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger lemming said...

College football players??! That was the most creative costume these ladies could think of for their brief moment on national television??!

I'm with Greg - I'd contribute funds to pay to put a drag queen in this competition.

4:07 PM, October 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We aren't at war with the village people? Thanks for this, Joe. LOL!


5:08 PM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger Joe said...

Matt, I knew I could count on either you or Greg to find that joke.

By the way, I want you to know that I did rack my brain for a U2 song to be the theme to TRP's blog...

6:29 PM, October 12, 2005  
Blogger GrrlScientist said...

Gee, Thanks, Joe. There are days when I seriously contemplate getting a TV, and you are certainly adding fuel to that fire! Bad, Joe!


1:36 PM, October 14, 2005  
Blogger Swankette said...

Joe and Matt, I'm not technical enough to make it actually link, but you must check this out...

1:06 AM, October 15, 2005  

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