Loose talk in the classroom

Tom Cruise : Katie Holmes :: Joe : Charlotte Church.

Ewwwwwwww.

(Also the Olsen Twins, but that joke's just too easy. And still, eww.)

On the other hand,

Ashton Kutcher : Demi Moore :: Joe : Christie Brinkley.

Well, she is the Uptown Girl, but Billy Joel's my boy. Then again...

AK : DM :: Joe : Ellen Barkin.

Oh my Lord, Ellen Barkin. Two words: Buckaroo Banzai. Three more words: The Big Easy. Where's that laminated list?

You go, Ashton. You go. Live the dream.